I delivered ten brisk, moderate spanks to his bare bottom. I know my favorite paddle delivers a surprising sting when applied to naked flesh. So, even with moderate effort on my part, ten swats cannot be fun for my husband. Hubby is the recognized Bar-B-Que King of our little group, although our friends kid him by saying his latest batch of ribs was almost perfect. And that with more practice, there’s no telling how succulent they might become. Our friends, out of their natural goodness, would do their part in consuming the practice runs.

Gentlemen, remember, you’re not just an observer here. The maintenance spanking is as much about you as your lady. You should approach it with respect and understanding of its purpose. You might feel a mix of anticipation, vulnerability, and even excitement. Allow yourself to be swept up in the ritual and savour the feeling of being under your lady’s control. Let the spanking be an affirmation of your devotion, a testament to your place in the relationship, and above all, a tribute to your beloved Dominant. Aftercare, Emotional Connection and Rewards Our inability to agree became a major stressor. I honestly believe it might have been better, both for the relationship and for the project, had the client simply anointed one of us “Leader.” Anyway, when I arrived home, there were two suitcases sitting on the floor of the entrance hall, and Susan was telling me, “You’re a nobody, John, and you’ll always be a nobody. Harry is a somebody and he’s on the way up. He’s asked me to go away with him when he takes a new position in Maryland. He’s an executive, and the new job will be a promotion with even higher pay and benefits. He already makes four times the measly salary you bring in.”Sessions are “scenes.” The partners have assigned “roles” — “Domme” and “submissive” and such. More elaborate scenes are sometimes expressed in terms of “role play.” There may be “costumes” involved — leather, chains, corsets . . . that whole bit. When I say female ‘wear’, I may actually want her naked for the day or evening but she has to wear high heels, wig and have her face and nails made up as a minimum. Maintaining this discipline establishes my authority and control since Alice never actually wanted to be a girl although she has become accustomed to it over time. It reminds me of a comment from a disciplined husband on a blog, discussing the topic of getting spanked for attitude. Ever noticed how much of the BDSM vocabulary emphasizes that it’s meant to be something different from day-to-day reality?

Remember that need for authenticity I talked about? Does it feel like an authentic imposed punishment if you have much say over the “why, when, and how” questions? Real FLRs aren’t about “pretending” to not be in control People who are into purely erotic spankings may incorporate elements of discipline or punishment into their play. But, it’s not really discipline or punishment, because it’s not about accountability or correcting behavior. It’s about sex and eroticism. Yet, while I do think FLR disciplinary relationship probably is best suited for dealing with smaller issues, a recent argument with my wife made me think through some of the nuances a bit more and ultimately conclude that imposed discipline can help on some big relationship stressors as well. In fact, many if not most of us say that we want her to have the sole discretion to determine whether a disciplinary spanking has been earned. The couple may have agreements or understandings around the kind of behavior that is presumed to be punishable, but she gets to decide when the agreed-upon rules or standards have been transgressed and whether to do something about it.I woke up Saturday morning with a pounding and ringing in my head, and the taste of stale whiskey in my mouth. I was slumped on the couch, an empty glass in my hand, an empty Bushmills bottle on the floor and the flatscreen showing snow and hissing at m