Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life

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In part one of this workbook, you’ll learn what boundaries are, why we need them, and why they’re hard to set. Part two focuses on how to create and communicate boundaries, and how to handle boundary violations. In part three, you’ll learn boundary skills with others, including at work; with your partner, children, extended family, and friends; and with difficult people. And in part four, you’ll practice boundary skills with yourself, including respecting other people’s boundaries and creating healthy limits and habits for yourself. It's too bad the most widely recommended book about setting healthy boundaries is so fanatically biblical. The biblical references and anecdotes are excessive, awkward, and feel forced. I was trying to wade through all the citations to get to the actual meat of the book and I couldn't do it, it was just too distracting. Not at all what I was looking for. The book contains a very large number of what I call "pastor stories." Probably, these vignettes come from actual examples in the authors' private practice, with the names and details changed to protect patient confidentiality... but they come across as those stories used by pastors to prove a point. You know the ones--anecdotes about people who only have first names, with no clear evidence to suggest that they are factual, but they perfectly (and conveniently) encapsulate the message that the pastor is trying to get across. I don't trust stories like these, and while the clinical experience of the authors lends a little credence to them, I'm still not a fan. I had someone recently tell me that if I didn't give her a ride to the event, it would be my fault that she didn't get to attend & that she would be really disappointed because she really wanted to attend the event. The icing on the cake was the poor pitiful me comment of "I guess I'll just have to hope that there's another interesting event in the future.”

Nope. Not my responsibility to get a grown adult from point A to point B because she wants to attend the event. If she really wanted to attend the event, she would find her way there via her car, or carpool w someone else, or via one of the following or a combination of the following: bus, train, water taxi, car taxi, Uber, Lyft, horse drawn carriage, bike, Segway, scooter, rollerblades... People who grew up in these families still feel guilty for setting up boundaries as adults. Boundaries Attract High-Quality People

I am not a Christian, although I am very familiar with the New Testament from my 'born again' teenage years. I had hoped that the authors would keep the approach open to those of us who don't see the Bible as a credible reason to act in a certain way. This, for me, was NOT the case. The endless quotations and (worse) verse references buried the ideas in a morass of distractions. I had the sensation of searching through fog. One of the first signs that you’re beginning to develop boundaries is a sense of resentment, frustration, or anger at the subtle and not-so-subtle violations in your life. Just as radar signals the approach of a foreign missile, your anger can alert you to boundary violations in your life.”

Those who can’t respect our boundaries are telling us that they don’t love our nos. They only love our yeses, our compliance. “I only like it when you do what I want. Real-Life Applications My dear friend gave me this as a gift in a phenomenally difficult season and I knew then that I probably needed it – but it took more than a year for me to get the courage to open it up. A wise friend talked to me about this book. It was a wonderful conversation, and as she explained the ideas in the book, we explored them together, understanding so many situations with a (for me) fresh set of insights. For that, I thank the authors mightily.

The reader of the audiobook version is a top speaker. Great vocal variety, great dialogues, great tonality.. Really gives life to the book and it feels like listening to a play. Review Setting and communicating our personal boundaries to others allows us to protect ourselves. They allow us to separate who we are as unique individuals, including our thoughts and feelings, from others. They prohibit other people from manipulating, abusing, or using us. Boundaries allow us to preserve our individual integrity. Not taking things personally is also a hallmark of people with a growth mindset. Read here how to develop a growth mindset. Henry Cloud introduces the law of cause and effect as a natural law that gives you the fruits of what you sowed.