His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

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Romantic movies, cultural events, going out for lunch and dinner, dancing, shopping, sightseeing, exercising, enjoying nature. Don’t let parenting compete with romance between husband and wife, the basics still stand. Who is The Irresistible Man? Other than 15 hours for undivided attention to the wife, you have to budget additional 15 hours per week to a quality family time.*(Consider your total time each week. You have 168 hours (24 hours a day, 7 days a week). For 8 hours of sleep each night (don’t risk your health), take 56 hours away, leaving 112 hours. If you estimate the time it takes to get ready for work in the morning and ready for bed at night to take another 12 hours, that leaves 100 hours. Your job, including getting there and returning home again, should not take more than 50 hours a week (if you work more than that, you cannot achieve your most important objectives in life). Current Honesty – reveal information about your day, calendar, and activities, especially anything that pertains to your partner.

His Needs, Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last (How to

Assign the remaining tasks. Both partners agree to who will do what and when they are to be completed. Absolutely! Notice the line also says…“when done properly.” It is also followed up with a warning of being abusive. problems without much difficulty. In chapter 3, I was fairly hard on the men, because I believe wholeheartedly that their inability to show affection is such a crucial problem. Remember, affection is the environment of the marriage; sex is the special event. At the same time, a wife must grasp just how special a man finds sex. He isn’t “pawing and grabbing” at her because he has turned into a lusting monster. He is pawing and grabbing because he needs something—very badly. Many men tell me they wish their sex drive wasn’t so strong. As one thirty-two-year-old executive put it, “I feel like a fool begging her all the time but I can’t help it. I need sex.” Why Men Feel Cheated When a man chooses a wife, he promises to remain faithful to her for life. This means that he believes his wife will be his only sexual partner “until death do us part.” He makes this commitment because he trusts her to be as sexually interested in him as he is in her. He trusts her to be available to him whenever he has a need for sex, just as she trusts him to meet her emotional needs. Unfortunately, in many marriages, the man finds that putting his trust in this woman has turned into one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He has agreed to limit his sexual experience to a wife who is unwilling to meet that vital need. He finds himself up the proverbial creek without a paddle. If his religious or moral convictions are strong, he may try to make the best of it. Some husbands tough it out, but many cannot. They find sex elsewhere. The unfaithful man justifies his behavior in terms of his wife’s failure to keep her sexual commitment to him. When she discovers his unfaithfulness, she may try to “correct her error” and improve their sexual relationship, but by then it may be too late. She feels hurt and resentful, and he has become deeply involved in an affair. One of the strangest studies in human behavior is the married man who is sexually attracted to another woman. He seems possessed. I have known bank presidents, successful politicians, pastors of flourishing churches, leaders in every walk of life who have thrown away careers and let their life achievements go down the drain for a special sexual relationship. They explain to me in no uncertain terms that without this relationship everything else in life seems meaningless to them. The first step is to understand your partner better than anyone else does. This means getting to know what makes them happy and unhappy. Once you understand this, you can start working on meeting those needs in a way that won’t frustrate or anger them. In my coaching programs I continue this exercise and coach you how to tie these needs into your everyday life. The emotional needs covers the middle tier of the 13 Personal Needs. In addition to the emotional needs, you have love needs and human needs.

Summary of His Needs, Her Needs

There are 10 emotional needs. Some are stereotypically associated with women, and some are stereotypically associated with men. Respect: You should be respected as an individual inside and outside the relationship. This means that your partner should always treat you with respect, even if they don’t agree with you or think you’re wrong.

His Needs Her Needs Assessment - Northern Hills Church of Christ His Needs Her Needs Assessment - Northern Hills Church of Christ

When children arrive, the need for domestic support changes radically. The fact is, we do not live in the 1950’s any longer and cooperation in taking care of the children and household are mandatory. Sex is most often associated as a need for men. Today however, more women are reporting a similarly strong need for sex. A partner can feel cheated in a marriage because they don't get enough sex. For a partner with a strong need for sex, it is nearly as important as the air they breathe. Without sex, one can feel unloved. When feeling unloved a partner can do very bad things. spirit bond. It’s a tragic misperception for her to think that her husband is not right for her based on a comparison of feelings at a moment in time. If he were to lay the groundwork with affection, their bond would be restored and the affair would be seen for what it really is—a misguided effort to have an important emotional need met. As I mentioned earlier, just as men want their wife’s sexual response to be spontaneous, women prefer their husband’s affection to be spontaneous. But when we try to develop new behavior, it seems contrived and unnatural. At first, efforts to be affectionate may not be very convincing and, as a result, may not have the effect that spontaneous affection does. But with practice, the affectionate behavior eventually conveys accurately the feeling of care that a husband has for his wife. That, in turn, creates the environment necessary for a more spontaneous sexual response from her. A woman’s need for affection is one of her deepest emotional needs. But all that I’ve said here will prove of little value if a wife fails to understand that her husband has an equally deep need for sex. In the next chapter I’ll confront the woman in an effort to explain why, for men, sex is not just one of several ways to end a lovely evening. To the typical man, sex is like air or water. He can’t do without it very well. If a wife fails to understand the power of the male sex appetite, she will wind up having a husband who’s tense and frustrated at best. At worst, someone else may step forward to meet his need and, tragically enough, that happens all too often in our society. But it can all be avoided if husbands learn to be more affectionate and wives respond with more eagerness to make love. As Harley’s First Law of Marriage says: When it comes to sex and affection, you can’t have one without the other. Questions for Him 1. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being “very affectionate,” how affectionate are you toward your wife? How would she rate you? 2. In what specific ways do you show your wife affection? 3. Would you be willing to have her coach you in how to show her more Learn how to punish properly, teach by example and values. (no grounding or depriving of basic rights) Hug and kiss me every morning while we’re still in bed. • Talk with me and tell me that you care about me while we’re having breakfast together. • Hug and kiss me before you leave for work. • Call me during the day to see how I’m doing and to tell me you care about me. • After work, call me before you leave for home, so that I can know when to expect you. • When you arrive home from work, give me a hug and kiss and spend a few minutes talking to me about how my day went (I’ll talk to you about how your day went too). • Help me with the dishes after dinner. • Hug and kiss me for at least five minutes when we go to bed at night and tell me that you care about me. • Bring me flowers once in a while as a surprise (be sure to include a card that expresses your care for me). • Remember my birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, Mother’s Day, and Valentine’s Day. Give me a card and gift that is sentimental, not practical. Learn how to shop for me. Under the heading “Affectionate Habits to Avoid,” she wrote: • Don’t tell me how attracted you are to my body when you want to express your affection. • Don’t touch my butt, breasts, or crotch when you are being affectionate with me (especially when we are washing the dishes together). Ted could understand what Paula meant in her list of “Affectionate Habits to Create.” And he was willing to try to learn to be more affectionate by practicing those behaviors until they became habits. But he was confused, and somewhat offended, with her entries in “Affectionate Habits to Avoid.” “Don’t you want me to tell you how sexy you look to me? You turn me on, and I’m just following my instincts,” he admitted. “I want to be attractive to you,” she replied. “But when we’re together, you seem to be interested only in my body. It makes me feel that you don’t careLearn how to reach agreement with your wife regarding the rules expected to follow and how to discipline. Otherwise the children learn to divide and makes a deal with one parent. Both mom and dad should consult in private and give an agreed-on answer. The next step is to imagine you can have 2 of the emotional needs. This time look at the first 4 needs and place a mark next to the 2 you most associate with. Then, look at 2 through 5 and place a mark next to the 2 you most need. Then 3 through 6 going through the entire list placing a mark next to the 2 you feel would most help you feel loved. Like before, make sure the last comparison is between number 10 and number 3. What do you expect financially from your spouse? Do you have plans financially that depends on your spouse earning a certain amount or higher? Do you expect your spouse to work when you will not be working? All of these expectations need to be shared with your partner. It is no surprise that women often have an emotional need for financial support, even when they work or earn more than the husband.